Parent Guide: Helping Your Child Navigate Thought Traps

By Elisabeth Anderson

What Are Thought Traps?

Thought traps (also known as cognitive distortions) are unhelpful patterns of thinking

that can trick kids into feeling stuck, frustrated, or powerless. These are automatic

thoughts—not something your child chooses on purpose.

It can be helpful to think of thought traps like "glitches in the brain's messaging system."

They're common, especially during moments of stress or transition.

The Power of Control: What Can We Influence?

When your child is caught in a thought trap, they may feel like everything is happening to them. A helpful way to shift that experience is by exploring the “Circle of Control.”

Try saying:

• “I’m noticing this feels really out of control. Let ’s look at what part is in your control

  right now.”

• “There are things we can influence and things we can’t. It ’s okay to feel both.”

• “What part of this can you change or influence?”

• “What ’s something that ’s outside your control, and what can you do about how

  you respond to it?

Helping your child recognize the difference between what they can control (effort, attitude, choices) and what they can’t (other people’s actions, the past, the weather) builds a healthier internal locus of control—a belief that they can make a difference in their own outcomes.

Energy Check-In: How Much Do We Want to Give This? Instead of labeling situations as “big” or “little,” (which can feel invalidating) you can teach your child to think about their emotional energy as a resource they get to manage.

When things feel big, it can help to pause and ask:

• Is this something I can control, or just something I care about?

• How much energy do I want to give this right now?

Try saying:

• “It makes sense that this is bothering you. Do you think this is something we can change, or something we need to carry differently?”

• “I wonder what part of this is in your control, and what part we might need to let go of.”

• “I can see your battery is low. Want to think about where we do have power in this situation?”

• “Some things we can’t fix, but we can decide how much energy we give them.”

• “You don’t have to give all your power to things you can’t change.”

• “Is there a small thing we can do right now that ’s in your control?”

• “What could help refill your battery after thinking about something so heavy?”

  
  

Instead of labeling situations as “big” or “little,” (which can feel invalidating) you can teach your child to think about their emotional energy as a resource they get to manage.

Spotting Common Thought Traps

Listen for clues in your child's words, and gently reflect what you notice to help your child reframe.

Encouraging Helpful Thought Habits

Even if your child can’t shift their thoughts in the moment, you can model curiosity and compassion, planting seeds that will grow over time.

Try practicing together:

• “What would you say to a friend who had that thought?”

• “What would a coach say if they heard your thought?”

• “Let ’s come up with one other way to think about this, just as an experiment.”

You’re not asking them to “stop thinking that”—you’re inviting their brain to be flexible and practice multiple perspectives.

Additional Suppor tive Language You Can Use

• “Hmm, I wonder what your brain is trying to protect you from right now.”

• “That sounds like a heavy thought. Let ’s see if we can carry it together for a moment.”

• “What part of this can we do something about—and what part can we let be for now?”

• “It makes sense your brain went there. Let ’s pause and see if there’s more to the story.”

• “That sounds like a ‘tricky thought ’—and you don’t have to believe everything your brain says.”

• “If that thought was a character, what would it sound like? What might you say back?”

• “You get to decide which thoughts deserve your energy and which ones can float on by.”

• “Let ’s check—does this thought help you feel calm or more stuck?”

• “Brains sometimes send warning messages, even when we’re safe. Let ’s check the facts together.”

• “I can see your body reacting. That ’s a good clue your brain thinks this is important. Let ’s figure out why.”

• “It ’s okay to feel unsure. You’re already doing something amazing by slowing down to notice.”

• “You don’t have to solve it all right now. Let ’s just name the feeling and breathe for a moment.”

• “Let ’s team up with your brain and help it find a more helpful path.”

Final Thoughts

Helping your child with thought traps isn’t about correcting or fixing their feelings. It ’s about curiosity, reflection, and choice. With your support, they can learn to pause, notice what their brain is doing, and decide how much power they want to give those thoughts or how much energy they’re willing to give towards a situation. You don’t need to have all the answers—just being a calm thinking partner is one of the most powerful things you can offer.